I woke up sad. I woke up in tears. I left the room and Zur hugged me and the tears just wouldn’t stop flowing. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I got too attached to these people. It’s not fair that they get to leave without feeling this same strong feeling. I hate it. I hate how attached I get. I feel like I’m an idiot. But I am, aren’t I. I put myself in this situation. I got too close, now I got too hurt.
All because I found a friend in these people. I reciprocated and gave more than they should take. As if past friendships never taught me a thing or two. Too nice, too caring, too kind, too invested and I always end up getting hurt. It’s my own doing. Because I thought people deserved it. And they honestly do. They deserve every good thing in this world. Everyone deserves a little kindness. A birdie told me how underrated kindness is and it just stuck by me.
But I want out. I want an out now. I refuse to go through this same ache, this same empty feeling each time more leaves. I’m going to leave first next time. And how in the hell did my mental health got away unscathed but my heart got the worst beating. It shattered. Friendships ending has always hit me the hardest and for some reason, I still never learn but now I do. Next time, boundaries need to be set, lines shouldn’t be crossed.
You simply can’t make friends out of colleagues. For me, at least. For the better and for the worse.
