I’m sick of walking on egg shells and trying not give people anymore reasons why I’m the bad guy. I’m sick of people acting like they’re a fucking saint when they are no better than me.
It’s easy to hate and it will always be easy to hate. I’ve gone to forgive and hand second chances but fuck that. Nobody have to say anything but they fucking think it and it fucking irks me.
Nobody, and NOBODY understands where I’m standing at. Nobody except that one friend I’ve poured my fucking heart to and told the truth of what I had gone through in the past year.
It’s sick. I’m suppose to be 25 and fucking stable in life yet I’m still a goddamn wreck because of the shit people put me through. I’ve kept my mouth shut long enough, I refuse to stoop on their level but I am this close to bursting it all to their face.
I force myself to keep my mouth shut and if I can’t, then I head home and shut them out and let the fucking hatred bubble inside. Because it’s easier for everyfuckingone this way. Because when I do decide to open my mouth, they don’t have the capacity to fucking accept it.
I own the fact that I’m fucked up. I’m flawed. I’m imperfect. I have my ugly moments. I will accept my wrongs even when it’s shoved in my face. I apologise with my fucking heart. But these people who act holier than thou? These people rather sweep under the rug than to face it.
But I don’t apologise for how I act. How I act is a mere reflection of how you people treated me. Call it a taste of your own medicine. Because believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to adult. To conversate. To comprehend. To compromise. And each time, it ends with disappointment.
Humans are not perfect, because if they were, the world would be a wonderful place to live in and everything would fall into place the way they should. Some things may falter but to let it happen too many times, I refuse to be disrespected like that. Because I have been loyal, I’d fucking die for the people I love, and I wear my damn heart on my sleeves- I deserve the world and more or else I wouldn’t have any respect for myself. I know that fucking much.
I have no regret for shutting people out. People who have disappoint me, people who have gone above and fucking beyond to hurt me, people who seem to not have my back even though they said they do. I make no fucking apology for how I put myself first. The rest of the world can go fuck itself.
